My Dildo is Too Big (What Can I Do When it Wont Go in?)

Last Updated on January 14, 2025 by Kelly

You brought your dildo home, and you’re excited to try it. Maybe you get in the mood and put some rose petals in your bath, or perhaps you go straight at it! 

But there’s one problem: it’s not fitting! When you try to put it in, the toy feels like it will rip you in two! 

This problem is one many newcomers to sex toys run into. As a reminder, a dildo should never feel painful or uncomfortable.

This pain is your body’s way of telling you that something isn’t right. If you try to fit the dildo in you, it can lead to injury. 

Now, you may ask: What size is best for you, and how can you tell? This post will explain large dildos and help you make a more informed decision!

Reasons Your Dildo Feels Too Big

Why is your dildo feeling too big for you? It’s a little more complicated than you think! Here are some common reasons why that dildo of yours may not fit. 

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Measurement Errors or Accidentally Choosing the Wrong Size

The website you ordered the dildo from, or the box it came in, probably gave you its dimensions. 

You saw the measurement and thought, “That doesn’t seem too bad for me.” But the thing is, dildo measurements are often misunderstood. 

Now, measurements aren’t advanced algebra or anything, but they are confusing. Sites aren’t consistent with their measurements. 

If you want to know if a dildo is going to be too big for you, you shouldn’t look at its width but its girth.

However, on some sites, this is called a circumference. Why can’t things be consistent?

A dildo’s width can be one inch, which seems nice. However, its girth can be nearly five inches. 

Some comparison sex toy sites will often make it to be the same as a soda can. You’ve held one before. 

You know how big it is. A soda can’s measurements are 7.75” in girth but only 2.5” in width. 

Some websites, like SheVibe, even have a soda can comparison on their product page. Americans will use any measurement other than the metric system, huh?

What if the dildo’s listing or box doesn’t have the girth on it? First, shame on them. Second, it’s quite simple. 

Get out a calculator (your phone) and do some multiplication. Don’t worry, it’s not anything too bad. 

Multiply the width or diameter by 3.14. If you paid attention in school, that’s the first few digits of pi. I still have that song they used to sing about pi stuck in my head. 

Don’t worry, you don’t need the other infinite amount of numbers. 

So, let’s say that you have a dildo that’s two inches wide. This would be 2 x 3.14. This would be 6.28” in circumference. Is that good for you? Great! 

If not, go with something smaller. See, you thought you wouldn’t need math after school. 

And sometimes, it’s simply because you chose the wrong size. A dildo may come in several sizes, such as small, medium, or large. 

You may have grabbed the large box when you meant to grab a small one. It happens. Dildos are one of those items that you’re probably not going to get an easy exchange for. 

You may keep the bigger toy and buy a smaller version, then work your way up!

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A Lack of Experience With Sex

You may lack experience, and that’s okay. Everyone’s journey is different. Many people who use dildos are new to the sex world and may even still be virgins.

This isn’t because you get looser with every dick or dildo. That’s bunk. Instead, you get more experience and your muscles get accustomed to taking something bigger. 

Plus, anxiety can be a culprit in a dildo not fitting. The more experience you have, the less anxious you will be. 

Dildos can be a safe way to find what you like and dislike before you move on to the real thing. 

If you’re inexperienced with sex, or you’ve never had bigger partners, you may not be used to a big dildo. 

You don’t need to run out and have sex with the first person you see, but you should buy a smaller dildo and work your way up. 

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Inadequate Relaxation

The dildo may be the perfect size, but if you’re not relaxed, the tension can lead to difficulties inserting it. 

Take a deep breath. Listen to your favorite song and cry if you have to. Use some lube, and maybe play with yourself with your fingers a bit before putting the dildo inside. 

Also, you may be unrelaxed due to situational reasons. If you just got fired from your job, now may not be the appropriate time to try a big dildo. 

Some folks love to vent their frustrations by getting off. However, most people would rather have a good cry and some Netflix, and that’s valid. 

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Poor Lubrication

In some cases, your dildo may be able to go inside you safely, but you haven’t lubed it enough. 

I’m a big advocate of using lube, even if my body is naturally making it. 

Be sure you have a bottle of lube handy before you try to take a big dildo. 

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Mental Reasons

Sometimes, you may be stressed about a situation. For example, you may have gone through a breakup and think that your dildo can help brighten up the mood. 

But if you’re feeling upset, your body may not be ready for the toy. Another mental block may be due to association with past trauma. 

I’m not going to get too deep into this reason, but this is something you may need to speak to a therapist about if needed. 

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Specific Challenges of Inserting a Dildo

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Front or back? Where you’re inserting the dildo also matters if it’s too big.

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Anal Insertion Challenges

I don’t think you need me to tell you this, but I’ll say it anyway: the anus has no lubrication. You’ll need some lube to get it inside. 

You may also lack experience, which is kind of important if you’re doing anal.

Oh, and the dildo should be designed for anal. Anal toys are designed to stretch your anal entrance better than regular dildos, so be sure that you use a butt plug! 

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Vaginal Insertion Challenges

While the vagina is naturally lubricating, you need to get it in the mood. Relax and play with yourself a bit to get wet. 

With that said, sometimes Mother Nature doesn’t make enough lube for you, and that’s okay. 

Get yourself some water-based lube and see if that does the trick. 

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Tips for When Your Dildo is Too Big for Your Vagina or Anus

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Importance of Starting Small: Gradual Size Increase

If you know anything about therapy, you know that gradual exposure can be an effective solution. This leads to the simplest tip: get a smaller dildo. 

Starting at a size that makes you feel comfortable can get rid of pain and prepare you for something bigger. 

Your body may be able to take bigger things as you get used to it. So get yourself a smaller dildo. Alternatively, use your fingers! Nature made them for a reason.

With sex, in general, you should start small. This is what we call foreplay. It’s an essential tool for most sexual situations, though some people can take it at a whim. I salute those folk. 

How long is “Gradual” will depend from person to person. Some people may be able to take dildos gradually bigger in one session. 

Others may need multiple rounds with the same dildo over a period before they’re ready to move on to something bigger. 

If you’re unsure if you’re ready, always listen to your body. If it feels uncomfortable or painful, you’re not ready yet. 

You need more training, grasshopper. Asshopper.

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Importance of Lubrication

Use lots of lube! Water-based lubes are safe for silicone toys, while silicone-based lubes can last longer. Hybrid lubes deliver the best of both worlds: 

They are safe for silicone toys and last longer than water. Some lubes are specifically designed for specific regions, such as anal lube.

You may also try coconut oil, which can help to moisturize your walls.

 Lubricants with a coconut oil base can be more expensive but well worth it! That said, if you’re new to lube, a simple water base can work well. 

You don’t want to blow your budget too much. 

Also Read: How to Use a Dildo – A Step-by-Step Guide

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Learning to Relax: Techniques and Exercises

You may not be relaxed enough, so relax yourself. Take a deep breath. Breathing exercises can calm your body down. 

You don’t need to use fancy breathing techniques, though they may help. Also, listen to relaxing music. Nice music or white noise can keep you relaxed.

If the dildo is waterproof, take a nice bath. Warm water and just the aesthetic of bathing can help you relax and open up. 

Also, exercise. We’re not talking about taking a jog, but doing kegel exercises may help you strengthen your vaginal muscles. 

You can buy kegel ball toys designed to give your vagina a great workout. Kegel exercises can also help with urinary incontinence, so there’s that. 

Another thing is that you shouldn’t try this if you’re stressed or not in the mood. Say you’re worried about a big move soon or a doctor’s appointment. 

Your nerves may be too shot to enjoy a sexual act without your body tensing up. Be sure that you’re in the mood before you try to put a bigger dildo inside of you. 

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Exploring Different Positions

Sometimes, the solution is to change your position. Doggie, lying on your back, squatting, these positions may help to get the dildo inside you more easily. 

The best position for you depends on your body, so feel free to experiment. 

If you have a partner, maybe have them put the dildo inside you while you experiment with different positions. But what if you’re alone? 

Sure, you can use your hand, but some positions require two hands. Maybe, the answer is to talk to a surgeon who can graft an extra arm on you. 

Actually, no. The answer is to get a dildo with a suction cup base. A suction cup base lets you put the dildo on the wall, floor, or any other smooth surface. 

This way, you can experiment without any hands! There is no one-size-fits-all position, so try several and see what works best. 

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Using Other Toys for External Stimulation

If you find that you’re not getting wet enough or you don’t feel relaxed, you may want to use an external toy. 

Clitoral toys are great for vaginal sex. 

A clitoris sucker, rabbit dildo, or a lipstick vibe can be of assistance. If you don’t have any of those toys, your fingers may suffice. 

Luckily, many clit toys are cheap, so if you bought a big dildo and your funds are nearly spent, you need not worry. 

Also Read: 7 Best Soft Dildos – Lifelike And Squishy

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Trying Out Thin Dildos 

Thin is in! Slim dildos may be what you need if the dildo is too big for you. I have an entire post about thin dildos and what I recommend if you want to check that out. 

Thin dildos are not only good for beginners but also great as a starter. 

What constitutes a “Thin” dildo can be subjective. Generally, I’d recommend a pegging dildo, as these are great for anal play and, therefore, should fit inside any hole pretty easily. 

You may need to do some measuring.

Again, circumference/girth is most important. If the dildo’s girth is too big, look for one that is half of that or a quarter. 

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What Not To Do When Your Dildo is Too Big

I’ve talked about what you should do if your dildo is too big, so let’s talk about what not to do. 

First, you should never try forcing it in. I feel this point has already been expressed in this post, but it’s worth repeating. 

This is a one-way ticket to tears, bruising, and possible prolapses! No one wants that! Okay, maybe some out there like that, but it’s not me and probably not you. 

The second thing is not to use numbing creams. If something hurts to put in you, the solution should never be to get rid of the pain. 

Pain is your body’s way of telling you that something’s wrong. You may not feel the pain now, but you will once the cream runs out! 

And sometimes, it won’t just be soreness, but something you may need to go to the doctor for. 

The last thing anyone wants is to go to the emergency room for an embarrassing sexual situation. 

If you’re using a dildo on a partner, and they say to stop because it hurts, then stop! Consent is always important. 

Don’t think that your partner is being whiny or secretly likes it; they’re telling you to stop, so stop! Have a safe word if you must. 

Another thing you should never do if your dildo is too big is to skip out on the lube. When you’re ready to take the dildo, you should use as much lube as possible. 

Okay, pouring the entire bottle on the thing may be a waste, but slather it with a good amount and reapply as needed.

As mentioned, water will require more application but is safe for all dildos. 

Finally, don’t feel ashamed if you can’t get it in. For some, they may have watched porn and saw the women there taking a big dildo like a champ. 

Or, you know someone who always brags about how big their partner’s dick is. Remember that porn isn’t reality; if you can’t take something big, it’s not a problem. 

As for that partner, they’re either exaggerating or have experience. Everyone’s different! Find something that pleases you, and possibly work your way up if you want to.

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